Beautiful by Susan Mehr

Keep a secret? Nicole is human, a woman and obese. Nicole wasn’t born obese. Still, cannot remember a moment in her life she considered herself slim. Dieting every day, Nicole failed. There’s a million ways she betrayed herself and paid the price. The consequences of her actions were emotional, physical and psychological. She wasn’t the pretty little girl her parents dreamed and wanted to display. Nicole was tossed aside, neglected and in the end forgotten. Besides she had two younger siblings who occupied their parent’s time.

Growing up, Nicole became a target. She did not live up to people’s standards to what is acceptable, so she became prey to abuse, taunts and belittling. People laughed and gossiped as if she wasn’t there. No one cared. In the end, worthless did not begin to describe how she felt.

Nicole grew up in a ‘survival mode’ struggling through each day, without crying. Imagine the loveless, emptiness echoing inside a little girl of five, ten or fifteen. That was Nicole. Trust me happiness, friendship, hope and the gentle touch of love never existed. Life was a horrible dream. No one cared. If someone did, Nicole should’ve been rescued or at the least hugged and told she was loved.

Nicole lived in a lonely place with no loving family and no real friends. Then in her thirties, she met a man who saw past her shell and the real person she was. He recognised beauty. Still, she refused to allow herself to accept the truth. They had their reasons to keep their relationship a secret, despite that, Nicole didn’t want him to witness anyone laugh, mock or destroy the beautiful friendship they created. After a few years, they eloped and started a family.

Now Nicole faces the responsibility of being a role model to her children. She spent most of her life alone; it was all she knew. A role model didn’t make sense, didn’t resonate in her heart at first, but the voice inside her head kept nagging and finally started to make sense. You see, Nicole decided to have an operation to lose weight so she can take control of her life. It’s the first time she possessed a positive outlook. She’s human and deserves to be happy. Nicole no longer considers herself the candle in the wind. Nicole is loved, unconditionally by her children and her new family. Realising there’s people who care, who listen and who she matters too. Now, not only does she want to become a role model, Nicole believes telling her story brings awareness to larger issues and an important message for someone who is looking for hope. She wants to do, to someone, what no one did for her. She wants to send a message of hope and tell them that someone is watching, listening, caring. Nicole’s message is, ‘Believe in yourself, you have so much worth, and there’s a life waiting for you to live too. You’re never alone, and always remember, you’re beautiful.’

16 thoughts on “Beautiful

  1. Love your story, Susan! It is very well written, besides I always enjoy those stories that deal with the dispossessed, the oppressed, the bullied, the outcasted…, and their endevours to improve their situation,and to learn to survive in a hostile world. This is a very different Nicole from Mario’s character, also called Nicole, and the relationship established between her and the male character, Frank, a much older person who could be her father.

    In your piece delusion comes first and haunts your Nicole for years until she finds her way out and recovers life’s illusion with the brilliance of being realistic at the same time. Now she has found a life partner with whom she has children and she sees her purpose of life clearly. She feels loved and is able to give love. She no longer is excluded, but included, and she can bring her new-found hope to other people and become an example.

    I see our lives constantly moving in oceans of waves of illusion and delusion, dreams and reality, where we try to seek balance between those complementary poles. This also appears in Mario’s chapter 5 (I like his novel in chapters that can even be separately read as indepenent units or entities, without having to read the other chapters:

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment. I do enjoy reading what you have to say, I can see you have a passion as I do for the outcasted. It’s a huge passion of mine to give these people a voice so they can be heard. Thank you for your comments once again, I’m still learning and I do apricate what you have to offer so I can be a better writer.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a beautiful account of how we can change our lives when we are loved and appreciated for who we are. And I also want to repeat this beautiful quote from former actress and author, Jo Coudert, in her book: Advice from a failure. “Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave nor lose. To the question of your life, you are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you are the only solution.” Basically, we have to accept ourselves as valuable and sacred beings, for we are that, and we are all a part of some greater design for this earth and universe. It is not our basic being that is at fault, it is the fault of people with limited consciousness related to their images of others.

    I grew up in a highly dysfunctional and abusive family – abusive mentally and sexually and occasionally other ways as well. But today I am 77, and I know who I am and my value as a human being too. I have a significant other, and it is not to say our lives are free from challenges and various issues, but I feel a lot stronger than I did a few years ago. Thank you for such a good and honest post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for you lovely heartwarming comments. I do apologise for this late comment, but the truth is, l’m recovering from surgery (12.03.19) a new step in a new direction and already ten kilos lighter. I too, am stronger than I was. It is the belief in oneself that makes me strong, and I hope by sharing others can see the strength inside them.
      Thank you again and God bless.


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